I DON'T RECOGNISE YOU! YOU ARE NOT THE PERSON I MET!
If you are hoping for your partner to change, be the change.
All relationships need work from the very start and some guiding principles should be placed from the very start.
Relationships come and go, you meet someone, then it doesn't work out. You find another person, it doesn't feel right and so on... But one day, almost like magic, you find THE ONE.
You are ready to commit yourself to this marvellous person and you plan a life together and envision life with them forever. One day, just like magic, you realise your once marvellous partner, doesn't make you feel the same as before. He/she even act funny around you and conversations are not so joyful anymore... What happened?
The blunt truth is that your relationship was taken for granted. Now the colourful and exciting relationship you had in the past feels grey, dull and maybe sometimes hostile.
Is there a way back to 'normality? NO, there is not. But, there is a way forward to 'excitement, passion, magic and love'.
Think about your relationship as a Greek temple. We need a solid set of pillars to maintain the temple stable, safe and intact. If done right, the temple will remain intact through the years, otherwise, there is a high chance that the temple will eventually weaken and crumble to the ground.
A healthy, exciting relationship has all these pillars:
1) Safety: There is trust in the relationship. If there is no trust the relationship will become toxic.
2) Change: Small doses of change will result in excitement, fun and passion. If the relationship is solely based on routine intimacy could be affected.
3) Contribution: listen to your other half and encourage them to be the best version of themselves.
4) Growth: Keep growing experiences together: learn new things, travel, align life goals.
5) Love: Create time for you two, nobody else. ALWAYS communicate with your partner.
6) Sense of Belonging: Feeling proud and special of being involved in this beautiful relationship that you have designed for you.
If all the pillars are practised daily, or at least weekly, your relationship will always be full of excitement, passion, magic and love.
Let's try this to empathise and understand you, partner, further:
This is a very well-known strategy to get to know your partner in a dynamic and fun way which is called 'The Game of Truth':
Sit down with your partner in a quiet comfortable place. This is a trust exercise where the couple opens up to each other in ways they have never opened before. This is not meant to be an exercise to discuss past squabbles or build new arguments.
Ask the following questions to your partner and vice versa. Please keep the response time below 5 minutes:
-What’s your biggest fear?
-If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you be and why?
-What’s a fond childhood memory that’s close to your heart?
-Which song truly speaks to you?
-Who is someone who inspires you?
By the end of this exercise, you will have gained a deeper understanding of your partner and will have opened the door to stronger trust. Keep performing this exercise with your questions.
Remember, "Practice makes perfect"!